do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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