You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
