He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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