Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
