just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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