The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
