Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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