I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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