Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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