32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
