My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
