dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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