i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize