If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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