How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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