You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
