I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
