awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize