I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
