Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you made out with another girl for some wings
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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