It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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