Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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