I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is Oprah even human
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
