Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize