So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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