I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
