I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
