I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
