I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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