I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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