Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize