his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
