also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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