I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
