Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
