oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's official drugs can't kill me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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