I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
