Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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