I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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