That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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