"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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