we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
