Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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