and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
