And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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