honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
