I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
