I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
