Heybabeimwearingurpanties
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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