Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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