first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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