went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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