Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
