..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
