CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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