So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
