Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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