He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
