Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
