The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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