Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
