Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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