I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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