But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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