Pappa wants mamma naked
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
