Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
