if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
