I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
