Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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