i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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