Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize