oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
