so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
