I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
