just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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