Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
