just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
