dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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