worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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