there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
