today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
