guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
