Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
